Having been me for 25 and 1/2 years, you'd think I'd know myself pretty well by now. But sometimes I still don't understand myself at all.
Why is it so hard to motivate myself to do what I know is good for me-- what I want to do, even?
There are so many things I want to do; I have so many plans; and they all sound so good in my head. But whenever I find myself with some free time, I just end up wasting it. Why is that?
I've thought of blaming it on my job-- I must just be too exhausted from teaching to focus on anything else. But that doesn't really make sense when I think about it. My job can be exhausting, but the truth is that even when I have a whole week off, I still don't get anything done. In fact, sometimes having too much free time seems worse than having too little.
It seems that I'm really bad at managing my own time. It would make sense to schedule everything in so it all gets done... But there seems to be something in me that rebels against schedules. I just want to do the thing that comes to me at that moment, whatever that may be. So I have all these ideas, but then they get pushed aside by other ideas, and so many things are put off or left halfway done...
Like this blog. I haven't updated in forever, even though I've been meaning to. Even though there are lots of things I could write about.
At this rate, I don't suppose I'll ever have much of a following here. But those of you who do read this are all really important to me, and I do want to share my life with all of you. I'm going to try to keep this up, for you guys. (And for myself, so I'll have my memories written down to look back on.) Don't let me forget!
I think most of us are guilty of this, but you can force yourself to get out of it. I know exactly how you feel though. I hope it's not my fault!
ReplyDeleteI'm pretty sure it's not your fault, Mom-- you're much better at this sort of thing than I am! I think you're right that most people have trouble with it to some extent though.
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